Convention on the rights of Persons with Disabilities, Article 23: Respect for home and the family
Everyone has desires: good health, happiness, friends, love, money, a job, a house, a family, a child…
People with an intellectual disability have the same desires as everyone. However, when they reveal the desire to have a child or to start a family of their own, alarm bells ring. Individuals with an intellectual disability face stigma and are confronted with judgments when talking about parenthood. Whereas starting a family of your own is a fundamental human right, addressed in the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (2006).
An intellectual disability in itself is not the cause of inapt parenting. Research shows that parents with an intellectual disability can parent well if they dare to ask and accept support, when they receive proper support on time and when there is a supportive social network available.
Talking about children and parenthood
ASVZ wants people with intellectual disabilities to lead equitable, meaningful lives. Encouraging discussion about the desire to have a child and parenthood should accompany that. Even more so, it is our obligation to engage in discussion and to counsel them as effectively as possible concerning their parenthood or their questions regarding that. How do you do that in a respectful way? How do you ensure that people with intellectual disabilities know what this involves? What's in store for them? What do they have to know if they are going to raise a child?
On this website you will find a toolkit, free of charge, with tools supporting people with an intellectual disability, their family, teachers and professional staff to discuss about starting a family of your own and parenting with intellectual disability.
The Toolkit consists of nine tools. Which you can find below. There are tools for persons with an intellectual disability (and their family) and tools for professionals. Indicated with the symbols:
* Professionals;
+ persons with an intellectual disability;
# family of persons with an intellectual disability.

1. Handbook Toolkit ‘Talking about children’*
This handbook contains background information and instructions for using the toolkit.
Please read this handbook before using the separate tools. After reading the handbook you have a better overview on when and how to use the different tools.
Download: Handbook Toolkit talking about children

2. The game 'Viewpoint on viewpoint'*
The game 'Viewpoint on viewpoint' allows you to highlight the theme of the desire to have children and parenthood at various levels within your organization.
Downloads:
3. Thematic sessions 'The desire to have a child: looking at options'*
Suggestions for Thematic sessions with: professional support staff, managers, psychologists / educationalists, medical staff and other people. Reflect on yourself as a professional and the vision of your organization.
4. Cardgame 'What I wish'+
The purpose of this game is to get an impression of lifestyle, dreams and desires, and future expectations. Topics like school, work, leisure, health, but also starting a family of your own and parenting support are addressed. In a natural way you can conversate about these topics, free from stigma and judgement.
Play this game with persons with ID, their family, professional staff, etc. This game is also very helpful to use in classroom conversations.
The quartet game consists of 25 different categories with 4 cards for each category.
Downloads:

5. Talking about your desire to have a child: Exercises for professionals to practice conversations about parenting with intellectual disability*
What do you do when a person with ID explicitly expresses a desire to have a child? What do you do when you suspect or have just heard that someone is pregnant?
How to begin a conversation about starting a family of your own in a respectful way? What are important issues it involves? What is your attitude? What kinds of skills do you require?
With this tool you can practice, through role playing games, to engage in conversations about parenting with persons with intellectual disabilities in an open and non-judgmental way.
Downloads:
6. Who is there to support you? Talking about your social network+
The presence of a supportive social network is an important protective factor for successful parenting by people with an intellectual disability. With this tool you make an overview of the social network of your client in three steps:
- Identify which contacts are available and what kinds of supports are offered
- Identify with whom your client can talk about her/his desire to have a child
- Identify who is actually available for support, when a child is born and what kinds of supports are offered or lacking.
Work close together with the person with an intellectual disability, her/his partner and the family.
Watch the video 'Who's there to support you' here.
Downloads:
Poster with network overview: black and white
Poster with network overview: colour
Four small support cards: print as many as you need!
Child cards: print as many as you need!

7. Work package: ‘Do I know what that involves?’+
Many things change when you start a family of your own and you become a mother or father. A child takes time and costs money. Caring for a child requires a lot of your relationship. You need a suitable home with enough space and safety for you child. It also requires skills to keep a household running and to raise a child.
‘Do I know what that involves?’ aims to generate awareness about what is involved when you start a family of your own and is for people with an intellectual disability who want to become parents.
Watch the video ‘Do I know what that involves?’ here
Downloads:
- General user manual
- Thinking about children:
- Housing:
- Money
- Relationship
- Skills
- Time

8. My child wants a child#
My child wants a child is a brochure for parents of people with an intellectual disability. What can you do as parents when your child expresses the wish to have a child? To start with: talk about children and parenthood at an early stage in their development and in a straightforward way. This and more you can read in the brochure below.

9. Pregnancy+
You and your partner are expecting a child and become parents.
A healthy pregnancy is important for the development of your child. The pregnancy book contains topics you should know when you are pregnant. For every month of pregnancy you can find information.
Downloads:
Poster 'eating and drinking during pregnancy'

Contact
We hope that this website and the material in the digital Toolkit will be useful to you. Of course, reality is more capricious than we describe here. Each situation, each unique individual with an intellectual disability, each culture requires its own specific approach. This is why the tools on this website are made to be adapted and tailored to your own needs.
Suggestions and recommendations are very much appreciated! In exchange for the material, we request that you keep us abreast of the effects you achieve with it. This enables us to expand our knowledge and experience, and we all make advancements regarding this subject.
Contact Marja W. Hodes for more information.